Wednesday, June 30, 2010


The past week or so has been so so crazy and I've had so little time for anything that I actually like to do, so I'm resorting to blogging in between setting up for programs and checking out patrons and cutting out construction paper seahorses.


(Also, who has two thumbs and loves being a youth services librarian assistant? ::points to self:: This girl.)

(That joke is a lot funnier IRL. I swear.)


So, I wanted to talk about what's been keeping me away from my lovely little piece of internet real estate, and what the plan is for when everything dies down. You know what happens next, right?


Where I've been:
- Cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. My room, my bathroom, the basement, the den. My relatives from the Philippines are coming to stay for a week and my mother wants the house to be immaculate, I guess so that we can impress them with how quickly our family cleans the house under duress. Because, come on. They'll totally know we only dust the piano when we're having houseguests.
- Picking up tons of extra shifts at work. She works haaaaard for the money!
- Gearing up for this weekend, which is my cousin K's wedding. She's the first cousin to get married on this side of the family, and everyone is going totally sheepshit. The whole process has just been harrowing and never-ending. It's going to be this huge ordeal that involves staying at a hotel in North Jersey with my parents for a whole weekend, and now have to hand out programs and bubbles and candy and my mom doesn't like the shoes I'm wearing and I still have to find a strapless bra to wear with my dress and I don't want to do karaoke at the rehearsal dinner but they're gonna make me and AUGH can't we just show up to the wedding and then leave afterward I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS.

- Fostering my D&D obsession. Despite my initial concerns, D&D has proven to be so. Much fun. It doesn't hurt that we're playing with our really good friends, of course, but there's an aspect of fantasy role-playing that really satisfied something in me. I think it speaks to my inner child who never got tired of playing pretend.

Where I'm going:
- The wedding, obv. Despite all my ranting, I'm sure it'll be fun and/or memorable. And my cousin Maven (not her real name, but she'd approve), whom I haven't seen in years because she lives in the Philippines, is staying with us next week, and that's gonna be totally awesome.
- A Phillies game with Matt, my BFF and some of her friends from college. I haven't been to a baseball game since fourth grade, but how hard could it possibly be to understand baseball? Some guys take turns hitting a ball and running around in a circle. That's the gist... right?
- Down the shore, again, before the oil creeps up the East Coast and coats us all in a Film of Doom.

Also, in July I'm going to do the 30 Days of Me meme and Bloggerstock (which I was signed up for this month but epically failed at remembering to do), and I've got all of these plans for my blog that I've been brainstorming but haven't gotten the chance to implement because at the end of the day I just want to eat sorbet and read Fables and pass out. I just need to get through this weekend. Here goes nothing.

Friday, June 25, 2010

my blog's name: a mixed-media project

Who says I can’t get stoned? 
Turn off the lights and the telephone
Me and my house alone
Who says I can’t get stoned?

Who says I can’t be free
from all of the things that I used to be?
Re-write my history
Who says I can’t be free?


So now you know EXACTLY why I chose that name for my blog.

J/K. I'm not sure I even know exactly why I chose that name for my new blog. I know it has something to do with the lyrics and how it spoke to me on my birthday, because I realized then that I'm still a huge geek and a goody-goody and an all-around Nice Asian Girl but amongst those things there's this new other part of me who went to college and learned about other religions, about issues of gender and class, about terrible things that we allow to happen in other cultures, and who let the light of knowledge turn her hard and jaded. This part of me who doesn't believe in heaven or God but still has to go to church every Sunday. This new, patchwork girl who wishes for many things but oftentimes finds herself wishing she still had access to good weed. Or any weed, for that matter.


"And it starts with singing this to yourself: 'who says I can't?" Fill in the blank, everybody. Who says you can't? For most people, nobody is saying you can't be yourself. If you put something on and look in the mirror and you like it, go out in it. And when somebody looks at you and they say, 'why are you wearing that?', don't even look down. Be like this: 'I like this, why are you wearing that?' Watch them run away. They'll never bother you again. 'Cause the world is full of bullies. Stand up to bullies." - John Mayer


For years I censored my true self for the benefit of others. And I'm still doing it, in real life, biding my time until the day I can stand in front of my parents and more conservative relatives and friends say, I'm pro-choice. I support gay marriage. I don't believe in God right now, and though I think Jesus was really groovy, I sure think the things people do in the name of Jesus can be offensive and just plain stupid. I think recycling is important. I don't eat meat anymore, and when we have ribs and chicken and beef stew  for dinner, I feed it to our dog when you're not looking. 

But here I'll never censor myself. This is my place to be who I am. Because I said so. 


Tuesday, June 22, 2010

back in the saddle

Urghh... I've been away from the Internet for exactly a week, and there are currently 44, count'em 44 unread blog posts in my Google reader right now. I'm going to work on chipping away at that unreal number until 12:45, when I have to go to work. But for now, here's my week in a nutshell.

- My sister graduated high school. She gave a speech. And I was like, MY BABY'S ALL GROWN UP AND SAVING CHINA!

- I went to see Toy Story 3, which we all know is officially The Greatest Movie Ever Made (no seriously, I don't know if there have been any negative reviews of it except for these two douchebags). The experience was so uniquely Pixar. Half of the time I was laughing unabashedly and obnoxiously. The other half of the time I was a whimpering, moist-eyed mess (I don't let myself cry in movie theaters anymore because I cause a real scene). Those of you who have seen it can probably relate. I had to think about all sorts of inappropriately hilarious things and fan my face vigorously to keep myself from bursting into tears.

- Remember when I got all excited about finding people to play D&D with? Well, on Saturday we started creating our characters and we had maybe a little too much fun with it. Matt's character is an eladrin wizard who wears a prosthetic beard loaded with razor blades (because eladrin can't grow beards, what's up with that?), Jewel's character is an elf ranger with "ginormous knockers," and my character is a halfling rogue with a Napoleon complex. Also, that was officially the nerdiest sentence I have ever typed. Scotty gets off a little too much on being Dungeon Master, I think, as he kept on saying things like GOD DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD CHOOSE YOUR AT-WILL POWERS YET, DID HE? I think we may have created a monster.

- We celebrated Father's Day lounging around the house, doing nothing, as per my dad's request. He wanted Father's Day to be about conserving money and resources, and so we didn't go out to eat or go shopping or anything like that. We all just went about our normal Sunday, which for me meant attempting to clean my room but then just falling asleep for several hours instead.

- I have successfully made it through another week of being incidentally vegan, and I've learned one very important thing:

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

the one where i talk about myself for like forever

Remember that award I got, like, a week and a half ago? Welp, I'm finally finishing up the fill-out-the-survey-and-pass-it-on part of the the process. So, without further ado.

The Super Panda Comments Award!

The Rules:
1. Thank person who nominated you. [Check. Totally did that in the afore-linked post.]
2. Copy the award. Paste it in your blog. [Check. Did it twice, in fact.]
3. Link to the person who gave me this award. [Check, but I'll do it again for good measure: Heather's awesome. Go read her blog, stat.]
4. Answer the 10 questions that come with the award. [In progress. See below.]
5. Nominate of few of your favorite bloggers for the award. ['Bout to happen, fool!]

Angel from Nerd Angel (who is my soul brother in nerdiness!)
Julie from Roads Are Made By Traveling (whose comments always make me smile!)
Angela from High On Life (who is my blog fairy godmother!)

And now, THE MEME. AKA the best part. AKA this took me two days to fill out. AKA ok I'll get on with it.

1. Why do you blog?
Because it's part of me. I've been blogging in some capacity since I was fourteen, in a bunch of different locations. At this point, chronicling my life on the Internet is not so much something I choose to do, but instead more like a compulsion. I couldn't stop if I tried.

2. What are your 3 best memories?
In recent memory: Scotty and Jewel's wedding. So many amazing things happened that weekend, so many friendships were made and re-kindled and so many grievances were aired and forgiven, and there was an abundance of amazing food and there was so much booze and so much laughter.
From my childhood: The summer that my aunt, uncle, and three older cousins from the Philippines came to stay with us for two months. If memory serves me right, it was like a party every day. There was always someone to talk to, something to talk about. I cite this summer as the reason that I love to be surrounded by friends and family and have sort of a phobia of loneliness and solitude.
Ever: Biking with my friend Katie in the Aran Islands in Ireland. The beginning of the bike trail was uphill, and so the second leg of the trail was all downhill, and I decided to tackle the last hill by just letting gravity take me all the way to the end. I don't want to make too big of a deal out of it but suffice to say that I'd been through a very hard year, and I really needed to feel like life as I knew it had a point, and that one amazing ride down that very scary hill basically saved me from spiraling into depression.

3. If you had to change your real name what would you change it to?
In high school one of my friends used to call me "Keiko," after the actress who plays Lane on Gilmore Girls. It got so widespread that kids from younger grades actually thought my name was Keiko. I actually think it suits my personality pretty well!

4. What are five things you can't live without?
I assume that "food and water" don't count, nor do "a car," "sleep," or "oxygen." Even though that would be the truth. Hmm... let's see.
- Books. This is quite literal. Yeah, I read to enrich my mind and to be moved and stuff, but I also rely on books to put me to sleep at night. The few times I've been without a book at bedtime, I tossed and turned almost the whole night. Without books, I wouldn't sleep, and without sleep, I would probably die. I think that's how it works.
- My glasses. I'm insanely nearsighted. I can't see very far at all. If glasses suddenly stopped existing, I'd probably last about five minutes before I fell down the stairs and broke my neck.
- Music. I know this is a cliche, and so I almost didn't include it, but then I imagined what my world would be like without music. And that is a really scary thought.
- Social interaction. I get really weird and sad if I spend too much time by myself. I do like some time to myself to recharge and clear my head, but most of the time I just want to be with my friends.
- Sunscreen. ::jumps onto soapbox:: Every. One. Should Wear. Sunscreen. End of story. ::jumps off soapbox::

5. What are the 4 best books you've ever read?
Young Adult: Paper Towns by John Green
Juvenile: Coraline by Neil Gaiman
Graphic Novel: Watchmen by Alan Moore
All Time: Alice Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll.

6. Tell me something unique and interesting about yourself.
I have a pet hedgehog, and he's like an adorable cactus. His name is Huxley, but he came pretty close to being named Bruce Quillis. (He wasn't bold and daring enough to be named after my favorite action hero of all time, unfortunately. Maybe next time?)

7. What do you love best about yourself?
My signature thing has always been my laugh. I'm told it's infectious. My laugh is like a deadly virus! Moooohoooohaaahaaahaaaaa! (My evil laugh is coming along swimmingly, by the way.)

8. What is the best movie ever made?
Ummm. I don't know if I'm qualified to answer that question. If you asked AFI, they'd say it's Citizen Kane, which makes me think that AFI is on crack, 'cause I've seen Citizen Kane and while I understand how it revolutionized movie-making, I think it's straight-up boring.

What I am qualified to tell you is that my favorite movie of all time is The Wizard of Oz and that in my opinion (disclaimer disclaimer disclaimer!), The Dark Knight was the best movie of the past decade. But that's just me. 

9. If you had a "freaky friday" experience who would you trade places with and why?
I'd trade places with Scarlett Johansson solely for the opportunity to do unspeakable things to Ryan Reynolds. No question.

10. What's the best part about being a woman?
We... get prettier-smelling perfumes? (Seriously, I feel bad for guys for having to wear cologne and body spray that smells the way it smells. Also: Axe makes me want to vomit my lungs up. What is the appeal?)

And thus ends my longest blog post to date. Wasn't that fun?

Monday, June 14, 2010

my cautionary tale

On Friday night, Scotty, Jewel, Matt and I made a grave mistake: we saw Splice. Now, I know I'm kind of an exaggerator, but trust me -- this movie was tragically, painfully bad. To this minute, I can't stop thinking about how confusing, awkward, pointless, cringe-worthy, traumatizing, and poorly written it was. And this is coming from a genuine horror fan who can typically suspend her disbelief for almost anything.

If you were planning on seeing it, I have three words for you: interspecies sex scene. Unless you have a burning desire to find out what I mean by that, please, please, please PLEASE do not spend your hard-earned money to see Splice. Do not be deceived by its inexplicably high score on IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes.

The only positive thing to come out of this experience is that it became the most amazing in-joke of the weekend. We're thinking that this could be a totally epic real-life version of Rickrolling, wherein we tell all of our friends that Splice is the best movie of the summer so far and to go see it immediately, and then laugh the Dr. Evil laugh when we see them again and they're like "DUDE YOU STOLE TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE AND I'LL NEVER GET THEM BACK WHYYY" (But since you guys are awesome, I'm telling you the truth. You shall be spared the torture!)

I'm not going to lie, I'm practicing the laugh as I type this. Moohoohahaha ha HA HA HAAAAA.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


And NOW I will stop talking about high school and prom.

Everything that's new with me:

- I recently decided to go meatless for a while, for ethical/moral reasons and whatnot. I don't want to get all preachy-teachy about it, but I will probably share my rationale at some point.
- I also recently stopped eating dairy because I've developed a pretty wicked allergy. It wasn't pretty, people.
- So now I'm incidentally vegan. It's insane, but it's working -- it's only been two weeks, and feel like Superwoman!
- My boyfriend is understandably troubled by this sudden lifestyle change. Apparently when he told his co-workers about it, they were like, "You know what this means, right? YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO BE VEGAN TOO, SUCKA!" I beg to differ.
- WizardCon in Philly is this weekend and Linda Hamilton and Bruce Campbell and Sir Patrick Stewart and James Marsters are all going to be there BUT I HAVE TO WORK WHYYYYY. Seriously, I've heard WizardCon Philly can be sort of lame, but this was supposed to be my big chance to kidnap make out with meet Spike from Buffy!
- I have to mention the Flyers. They're in the Stanley Cup and tonight's game is do or die and they JUST tied it up in the third period and this is giving me gray hairs. I'm quickly learning that being a sports fan takes years off of your life.

I'm almost caught up with bloggy stuff! I still have to pass on the Super [Effective] Commenter Award and answer the award acceptance survey, and I'm about to start the 30 Days of Me meme that the awesome Heather just started today, but that's going to have to wait until tomorrow. Because the Flyers just went into overtime and I think I might be having a heart attack. Hopefully the Flyers will score soon so I can go to the emergency room? Wish them (and me!) luck.

[Update: Flyers lost. Now my heart is broken. Oh, well. Tomorrow is a new day.]

Monday, June 7, 2010

Prom: a comparative study

My sister's dress:
Grecian-influenced, a lovely color, figure-flattering -- shit, dye it white and I'd wear this now as a wedding gown. I'm so insanely jealous that this picture is how my sister gets to remember her prom. 

On the other hand:
OK, first: CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE SCHOOL BUS. My prom group wanted to be "different" and also cheap (we had 12 couples) so they hired a big yellow bus to drop us off at prom. I don't want to talk about it.
Second: the more I look at this picture, the more I dislike my dress. There's nothing particularly offensive about it, I guess, it's just "meh." Plus, it pinches my under-arm flab and makes me look stumpy. Its purchase was the result of a harrowing day of unsuccessful dress shopping. When you've tried on dozens of dresses and all of them look terrible, you'll settle for anything. Even a $14.99 dress from the clearance rack.

My sister's hair and makeup:
She got her hair done by my stylist Jen, who is a genius. I love that it's soft and not over-styled and yet it's formal enough for a special occasion. Her makeup looks really natural and blended, her eye makeup opens her eyes up like crazy, and the colors are awesome for her complexion. And I swear I'm not just saying all that because I did her makeup :P

On the other hand:
Clown City. What is UP with lip liner? I don't even want to talk about the eye makeup. As you can see, my best friend is suffering from a similar problem (we got our makeup done at the same place), but she looks a little better. My hair is just pathetic. The woman took one look at my short haircut and basically gave up. Then she was like, here, I'll curl it and pin your bangs up. And I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS. THIS IS WHAT MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE EVERY DAY. 

Also, the matchy-matchy choker necklace was such. A bad. Idea. 

(Also: ugh, the UNDER ARM FLAB. Why didn't anyone tell me about that when I showed them my dress?!

My sister's experience
As far as I can tell, she had a pretty good time. They played all of her favorite songs and she got to dance around like a crazy person with her friends and the food was awesome. Her texts from the afterparty weekend down the shore ranged from pleased to giddy. She came home content, with a hoarse voice from all the talking, laughing, and singing. I'm sure it wasn't the best weekend of her life, but it seemed like she hadn't really expected anything but a moderately good time anyway, so she wasn't disappointed.

On the other hand:
I had never been to a formal dance before, and the only exposure I'd had to prom was what I saw in She's All That and Ten Things I Hate About You and Pretty in Pink. Naturally, it seemed to me that prom was supposed to be this magical night where anything was possible, where latent romances bloom and friendships are defined. I expected nothing short of the best time of my life. 

What I got was a group of catty girls who wouldn't compliment one another, a date who was a dud, a shitty DJ (not that any of my friends would dance, anyway), an early departure (we left after 2 1/2 hours) and a rainy weekend down the shore. It was kind of the exact opposite of a magical night where anything was possible. Sure, we were a coed group of eighteen teenagers living in an unsupervised shore house for the weekend, and that fact alone should have created some kind of uncontrollable vortex of drama. But nothing happened. Nobody hooked up, nobody had any heart-to-hearts, there wasn't a wild, debaucherous party, and there was nary a poignant moment to be had. The weekend was at its best, ordinary, and at its worst, completely and mind-numbingly boring. We wouldn't have made a very good episode of True Life: I'm Going To Prom, is what I'm saying.

But now it's just part of the past. I even feel like it shaped me, in some small way, by showing me that sometimes our expectations prove to be to much to live up to, and that it's always better to focus on your friends rather than Boy Stuff. It's one of the times in my life that I look back on with equal parts bitterness and nostalgia, if I look back on it at all. But seeing my sister pose with her friends and pin a boutonnière to her date's lapel and ascend, smiling, up the stairs of the limo bus brought all of the memories flooding back, good and bad. It was a fitting start to a weekend that had me looking back on a lot of good times, and looking forward to making more.

in which i make my flustered and ungraceful return

HALP! I am drowning reader feeds! And I haven't posted all weekend and a lot has happened happened and I don't know where to start! I've fallen, bloggily speaking, and I can't get up! Just like this puppy! Only I'm not as cute as that! (Almost, though.)

This is what happens when you leave the Internet for four days. Blogging is perhaps the only hobby that keeps on going even when you're not there.

Currently plotting my strategy to get back up to speed. Expect multiple posts today. In the meantime: how was your weekend?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

bits of tid

1) My sister's senior prom is today, and since my prom experience sucked, I'm living vicariously through hers. She's already way ahead of me, as her hair is super classy (whereas mine was too short to do anything real with) and her dress makes her look like Vanna White (whereas mine looked like it was SO TWO SEASONS AGO [probably because I had bought it the year prior]) and she has realistic expectations about what the night will be like (whereas I had watched too many John Hughes movies and am still waiting for some hottie in a white tux to plant a surprise kiss on me in the parking lot at the end of the night).

2) I finally got a haircut and I feel like a new woman! After a brief period of experimentation with other stylists, I went back to my favorite, Jen. And I'm so incredibly glad. She... completes me. She gave me the rocking-est piecey, funky bangs ever. I didn't even know I could pull this shit off. Pictures soon to come, maybe.

3) I got this awesome award from Heather. Seriously, people, these AWARDS. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of them. This one is called, adorably, the "Super Comments" award, which definitely sounds like a Pokemon trance mode. And check the graphic, yo. Witness the majesty of the Mighty Panda Bear:

Passing the award is my favorite part of this whole process. I'll be tagging some super-effective commenters on Saturday!

4) Until then, I'll be down the shore with my BFF. It's our first shore trip of the summer so we're not going to get too fancy or quirky with our activities: we're gonna walk the boards and frolick in the waves and squish our toes into the sand and bask in the sun and just do Beach Stuff. I'm so excited.

Have a happy Friday, have a great weekend, and DFTBA. 

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

don't stop me now: the best weekend ever

This is K. She took every single picture you will see in this blog post today. Mine sucked and hers are gorgeous, and plagiarism is for chumps, so I just wanted to give her credit.

Part the First: My best friend graduates. She throws a party. It rocks.

Me and my friend Dru (not her real name, but she'd approve) Top Modeling it up. Note how Dru actually knows how to pose for pictures where as I can only flail about like a fish on the shore.

The scene: picturesque South Jersey backyard.

A freakishly normal picture of my sister and Matt.

An impromptu campfire for impromptu s'mores.

Me and my best friends of seven years. So much love here.

Part the Second: We go to Scotty and Jewel's wedding and we all look so freaking good. Seriously.

Centerpieces, three of which I now have in my house. 

That handsome Scotsman my friends and I are standing with is LW (stands for Legitimate Wizard, and honestly I don't know if he'd approve of that name). All of the groomsmen wore kilts to reflect Scotty's heritage, but LW is especially legit in his because he's from Glasgow. 

Also, LW does card tricks and for the life of me I couldn't figure them out. The only explanation is that he is Actually Magic (hence the name). Shortly after this picture was taken, he turned that 2 of spades into an ace.

Believe it or not, this cake tasted even better than it looks.

This band completely changed my perspective on the whole band-vs.-DJ thing. They were so, so badass.

Me, Matt, Scotty and Jewel, aka the best-looking geeks in the Tri-State area. Seriously.

Part the Third: The weekend continues at the afterparty and at the afterparty to the afterparty, but I didn't take any pictures because sometimes you want to live life and enjoy the moment without pressuring yourself to document it. 

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

la la life is wonderful

[image source:]

This weekend was fucking epic. It was a maelstrom of activity, the center of which was the beautiful wedding of my friends Scotty and Jewel. Currently, I'm catching up on my reader, then uploading pictures, then writing emails to/posting on the walls of/answering texts from the new friends I made and the old ones I caught up with and the current ones that I love more than ever right now. 

I'll post about it later, after I recover. But this is just to say: Hey, guys! It's been a crazy couple of days, but watching your blog posts rack up in my reader made me smile. Guess what? I made a friend who can do card tricks that are so impressive that I'm pretty much convinced that he's a wizard. How was your Memorial Day weekend?