Monday, June 14, 2010

my cautionary tale

On Friday night, Scotty, Jewel, Matt and I made a grave mistake: we saw Splice. Now, I know I'm kind of an exaggerator, but trust me -- this movie was tragically, painfully bad. To this minute, I can't stop thinking about how confusing, awkward, pointless, cringe-worthy, traumatizing, and poorly written it was. And this is coming from a genuine horror fan who can typically suspend her disbelief for almost anything.

If you were planning on seeing it, I have three words for you: interspecies sex scene. Unless you have a burning desire to find out what I mean by that, please, please, please PLEASE do not spend your hard-earned money to see Splice. Do not be deceived by its inexplicably high score on IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes.

The only positive thing to come out of this experience is that it became the most amazing in-joke of the weekend. We're thinking that this could be a totally epic real-life version of Rickrolling, wherein we tell all of our friends that Splice is the best movie of the summer so far and to go see it immediately, and then laugh the Dr. Evil laugh when we see them again and they're like "DUDE YOU STOLE TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE AND I'LL NEVER GET THEM BACK WHYYY" (But since you guys are awesome, I'm telling you the truth. You shall be spared the torture!)

I'm not going to lie, I'm practicing the laugh as I type this. Moohoohahaha ha HA HA HAAAAA.


  1. I saw Splice this weekend and was just really creeped out by it. Like, it was probably the weirdest movie I've ever seen and the only time that I've left a movie theater feeling sort of violated and gross. I'm not going to recommend it to anyone but I've seen so many horrible, horrible movies in my life that I can't call this one bad. Though, the ending was a little...dumb.

  2. I have been curious about the movie but I was never going to see it at the movies. I am sure the interspecies thing is right up some peoples alley. Whom ever they are, they can stay in their own alley. The creature they create just looks weird, I know they tried to make her attractive but she still looks like a shaved cat or something. Just like Dr Evil's wow cool tie in!

  3. That movie was twisted and depressing.I only saw Splice because I am a big fan of Sarah Polley.

  4. Best Evil Idea EVER.
    and way more classy than rickrolling. :)

  5. Oooo that sucks. I was back and forth about whether to see it but I'm wondering if I should go or not now :S Hmmm, interspecies sex is not something high on my must-see list, gotta say. I am a fan of both Sarah and Adrien though fact! Sarah Polley is Canadian, and when she was a young lass she starred in this Anne of Green Gables-esque Canadian family show called Road to Avonlea, set in Prince Edward Island. Best show ever, and every Cdn 90's kid watched it (and if you didn't, you were a square). Just thought I would share this to perk you up from your bad movie experience!

  6. I am forever in your debt, I've been curious about this film. When the adverts were initially on TV for it, all I could think was - Adrian Brody whyyyyyy, why would you be in this pile of rubbish. This film would either drive people to it through curiosity or bomb. But I'm quite happy to have avoided seeing an interspecies sex scene, the things they put in movies these days to draw the public :D