Friday, April 30, 2010

a beacon of Happy in this week of Suck

This week has been kind of a mixed bag. On the one hand, I had a pretty kickass birthday, and this week I got to enjoy all of my new presents (read: toys) and I got a package in the mail, and who doesn't love getting real mail? 

On the other friend and co-worker Brian was in a hit-and-run early Saturday morning, and though they tried to resuscitate him, he died at the hospital a couple of hours later. He was only 26--that's three years older than me--and he was completely, completely beloved. He was our golden boy. And now he's gone.

So in that respect, this week has been one of the hardest I can remember. Coming in to work after I found out was almost too much to bear. On Wednesday I went to his viewing, which was gut-wrenching. And yesterday morning was the funeral, which I opted not to attend. 

The worst part is that I feel I can't get any space from his death. Every time I come into work, there's more news about how we're opening late on Thursday so everyone can go to his memorial service, or how we're starting a fund in his name, or how we're going to have a luncheon in his memory, or how we're raffling off a basket of Phillies-related stuff because he loved the Phillies more than anything else in the world. I'm torn between being happy that we're doing so much to celebrate him and being overwhelmed because I just want everyone to stop. Talking. About. It. For. One. Second. Sometimes I'm sitting at my desk and it occurs to me that I will never see him again, and it's like I can't breathe. And suddenly, everything I look at is him. And all of the memories come flooding back. I don't know how the people who've known him for years can possibly stand to walk into the building. And I don't even want to think about the grief his parents and brothers and sisters are going through. 

I don't have to go to work today, so I'm looking forward to just resting and re-charging, and I'll see how it feels tomorrow when I go in again. Writing this blog post has already been immensely helpful, as I've been able to write down all of the things I've been keeping inside all week, to release them, in a way. 

Oh, speaking of blogging.

Just wanted to point out something new: I'm trying out Disqus for my comments. I love to respond to your comments and I think it'll be easier to do that with Disqus. I hope it works out because, well, I don't know how to uninstall it. Also...

It's been one short week since I started this blog and I just wanted to say how grateful I am for all of the comments and encouragement, from new blog friends and old ones. You all really have been a beacon of Happy in this week of Suck.