the success bullseye

About a month ago, I digressed from my usual list-y weekend updates to make a (relatively) serious list of small improvements that I hoped to make to my life. Today, let's take a step back and see how I fared.

So, goal #1:

...re-vamp my resumé so I can apply for a Youth Services internship that opened up at another library.

Check and check. I re-wrote my resumé and submitted it for that position. The weeks went by and I didn't hear anything, so I figured they hadn't been too impressed. But last Monday, after a super hectic weekend, I got a phone call from that library, asking me to set up an interview. You guys. I don't want to jinx it, cause don't even know what my chances are, but you guys. If I get another job, this changes everything. I'd have to reassess my path to graduation, my living situation, the state of my finances. Like I said, I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch. But that doesn't mean I can't want them. A lot.

Goal #2:

...re-brand my blog.

Yes, well. You all remember when that happened. It's pretty hard to believe that I had any other blog design besides this one. It just feels right, for whatever reason. Thanks again, Tawni :)

Goal #3:

 ...make eating healthfully, living healthfully, a priority.

I addressed this goal fabulously -- for about two weeks. Then things got crazy. Then my ability to be mindful of my eating habits kind of went away. Then it came back again for a couple days. And at this moment, I'm probably right back to where I was when I wrote that first post. As evidenced by the fact that I am eating a warm chocolate chip cookie from Wawa as I write this. Aheh.

No seriously, though, I have been tearing my hair out about my weight and my health lately. It seems like nothing can motivate me to be sensible about food and exercise for longer than 2 weeks -- not the fast-approaching date of my 7-day cruise with Matt, not the fact that my pants seem to keep getting smaller every time I wash them, not even the possibility that I may be a bride in 2 or 3 years. Something's got to give at some point. But with all of the things I'm dealing with right now -- work, school, my relationship, my social life, my money woes -- I can't imagine how I'd even begin to deal with something as deep-seated as my body image/weight issues. Bleh!

AND Goal #4:

...go back to strictly reading before I turn out the light.

Total success! Well, there was a week-and-a-half long period where I reverted back to my old ways, but I'm happy to report that I no longer need my computer in bed with me like some sort of weird electronic security blanket.

So with the exception of an issue with which I have struggled my whole life, it looks like I actually kinda did what I set out to do! Apparently I'm a go-getter! Damn, I should have put that on my new resumé.

Like Barney Stinson, I averted mediocrity and hit the Success Bullseye. Nailed it!

Prom: a comparative study

My sister's dress:

Grecian-influenced, a lovely color, figure-flattering -- shit, dye it white and I'd wear this now as a wedding gown. I'm so insanely jealous that this picture is how my sister gets to remember her prom. 

On the other hand:

OK, first: CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE SCHOOL BUS. My prom group wanted to be "different" and also cheap (we had 12 couples) so they hired a big yellow bus to drop us off at prom. I don't want to talk about it.

Second: the more I look at this picture, the more I dislike my dress. There's nothing particularly offensive about it, I guess, it's just "meh." Plus, it pinches my under-arm flab and makes me look stumpy. Its purchase was the result of a harrowing day of unsuccessful dress shopping. When you've tried on dozens of dresses and all of them look terrible, you'll settle for anything. Even a $14.99 dress from the clearance rack.

My sister's hair and makeup:

She got her hair done by my stylist Jen, who is a genius. I love that it's soft and not over-styled and yet it's formal enough for a special occasion. Her makeup looks really natural and blended, her eye makeup opens her eyes up like crazy, and the colors are awesome for her complexion. And I swear I'm not just saying all that because I did her makeup :P

On the other hand:

Clown City. What is UP with lip liner? I don't even want to talk about the eye makeup. As you can see, my best friend is suffering from a similar problem (we got our makeup done at the same place), but she looks a little better. My hair is just pathetic. The woman took one look at my short haircut and basically gave up. Then she was like, here, I'll curl it and pin your bangs up. And I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS. THIS IS WHAT MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE EVERY DAY. 

Also, the matchy-matchy choker necklace was such. A bad. Idea. 

(Also: ugh, the UNDER ARM FLAB. Why didn't anyone tell me about that when I showed them my dress?!

My sister's experience

As far as I can tell, she had a pretty good time. They played all of her favorite songs and she got to dance around like a crazy person with her friends and the food was awesome. Her texts from the afterparty weekend down the shore ranged from pleased to giddy. She came home content, with a hoarse voice from all the talking, laughing, and singing. I'm sure it wasn't the best weekend of her life, but it seemed like she hadn't really expected anything but a moderately good time anyway, so she wasn't disappointed.

On the other hand:

I had never been to a formal dance before, and the only exposure I'd had to prom was what I saw in She's All That and Ten Things I Hate About You and Pretty in Pink. Naturally, it seemed to me that prom was supposed to be this magical night where anything was possible, where latent romances bloom and friendships are defined. I expected nothing short of the best time of my life. 

What I got was a group of catty girls who wouldn't compliment one another, a date who was a dud, a shitty DJ (not that any of my friends would dance, anyway), an early departure (we left after 2 1/2 hours) and a rainy weekend down the shore. It was kind of the exact opposite of a magical night where anything was possible. Sure, we were a coed group of eighteen teenagers living in an unsupervised shore house for the weekend, and that fact alone should have created some kind of uncontrollable vortex of drama. But nothing happened. Nobody hooked up, nobody had any heart-to-hearts, there wasn't a wild, debaucherous party, and there was nary a poignant moment to be had. The weekend was at its best, ordinary, and at its worst, completely and mind-numbingly boring. We wouldn't have made a very good episode of True Life: I'm Going To Prom, is what I'm saying.

But now it's just part of the past. I even feel like it shaped me, in some small way, by showing me that sometimes our expectations prove to be to much to live up to, and that it's always better to focus on your friends rather than Boy Stuff. It's one of the times in my life that I look back on with equal parts bitterness and nostalgia, if I look back on it at all. But seeing my sister pose with her friends and pin a boutonnière to her date's lapel and ascend, smiling, up the stairs of the limo bus brought all of the memories flooding back, good and bad. It was a fitting start to a weekend that had me looking back on a lot of good times, and looking forward to making more.